Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
