k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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