We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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