You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
