I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
