You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize