There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
