I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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