Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
