I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
