You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
