Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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