Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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