My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
