I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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