The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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