im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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