I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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