so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize