sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
