i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
