It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
