Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
