I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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