This is not my ceiling
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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