I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're like the curious george of whores
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
