You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
