The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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