His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
