I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
