i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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