I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
