How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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