I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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