he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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