I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nutella sex= disaster
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i've created a new STD.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
