I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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