I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
