Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
