....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
