Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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