my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
