thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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