So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just pee around me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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