Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
