I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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