I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
