remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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