um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
