So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
