now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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