you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
