forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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