Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
