I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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