I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
