as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
