the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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