apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
