Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
