We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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