Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
