Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am available for nakedness
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
