I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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