maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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