well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
