My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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