She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
