You just made me feel so damn special
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
