im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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