I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
