Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pants are for mortals
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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