it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
