im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
