Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Randomize
