Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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