omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
