i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
