i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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