My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
