I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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