Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
