I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
