sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
