i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
