I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
