I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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