Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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